The much-loved Station East in Gateshead has opened an outdoor drinking space just across the road from the boozer.

I have no problem crossing a road with a pint in my hand, the problem arises when my notoriously small bladder needs to be evacuated. Some would say, ‘Just use the Centrals bogs?’ but I can’t as I’m not a paying customer.

So I’m faced with the prospect of standing in a puddle of my own piss on a filter lane in Gateshead.

But then I remind myself I don’t do beer gardens because my Northern Irish Ginger pallor means I avoid exposure to the sun at every opportunity.